The Secret to Giving Great Feedback: A Tale Worth Telling
As the last notes of the HBR podcast episode titled "The Secret to Giving Great Feedback" faded from my headphones, I was left in a contemplative trance. Here I was, having just delved deep into the intricacies of feedback, its transformative power, and the subtle art of its delivery. Almost serendipitously, in the past week, a few of my mentees approached me with a question that echoed the sentiments of the podcast: "How do you give effective feedback?"
This convergence of events wasn't just a coincidence. It indicated the universal struggle with giving and receiving feedback. Whether you're a seasoned leader or just stepping into the world of mentorship, the challenge remains.
“Imagine sitting at a dimly lit restaurant table, eagerly awaiting the first bite of your meal. Instead of a chef’s masterpiece, you're presented with a raw onion. No preparation, no seasoning, just an onion.” That’s how it feels to receive feedback without finesse. In the same way, crafting an exquisite dish requires technique; providing feedback is an art.
Let's explore together, drawing insights from personal experiences, the HBR podcast revelations, and the journey of two characters, Jane and Liam. Their story illuminates the nuanced art of feedback, and through it, we will unearth techniques and secrets that can elevate our feedback game.
Jane is a zealous young professional with dreams larger than life. Liam, her manager, has been leading teams for a decade. While he knows the ropes, his feedback style is... let's say, a bit raw like our onion.
The conflict between Jane’s expectations and Liam’s feedback style is palpable. After a presentation, Liam says, “That wasn’t very good.” Jane, hurt, thinks, “What wasn't good? The content? The delivery? Everything?”There’s tension, a gap that needs bridging.
This narrative is not uncommon. Feedback can lead to misunderstanding, doubt, and lost potential if given improperly. But it doesn't have to be this way. Let’s delve into the transformative power of feedback as we journey from raw onions to gourmet experiences.
1. Set the Stage: Before delving into feedback, it’s essential to establish an understanding. Liam could start with, “Jane, I noticed a few things in your presentation that we can refine. Are you open to some feedback?” This sets a positive tone and prepares Jane for what’s to come.
2. Be Specific and Clear: Instead of saying, “That wasn’t very good,” Liam could point out, “Your content was solid, but there were a couple of slides where the message wasn't clear.” By being precise, Jane knows where to focus her improvement.
3. A Flashback to the Basics: Remember when you received feedback that felt like a blow? Reflect on those moments. Empathy is crucial. Instead of just delivering the feedback, consider the other person’s perspective.
4. Engage the Senses: Liam could show her what was wrong instead of telling Jane what was wrong. He might say, “Let's go through your slides together,” visually walking her through the problem areas and potential solutions.
5. Foreshadowing Future Growth: By hinting at the potential ahead, feedback becomes a growth path, not a dead-end. Liam could say, “By refining these areas, I can see your next presentation being the highlight of the meeting.”
Ah-ha, Moment! Feedback isn’t about criticism. It’s about guiding someone from where they are to where they could be. It's about seeing the raw ingredients and envisioning the gourmet dish they can become. Feedback is a gift. It's an opportunity to learn and grow. The best feedback is specific, actionable, and timely. We can all learn to give better feedback. It just takes practice.
Practical Techniques for Stellar Feedback:
The Sandwich Method: Start with a positive, introduce the area of improvement, and end on a positive note.
Ask, Don't Tell: Ask them questions instead of just telling someone what was wrong. “How did you feel about that presentation? What do you think could have gone better?”
Reinforce the Positive: Always remind the person of their strengths and how they can leverage them to address areas of improvement.
Practical examples :
Instead of saying, "You're not a good communicator," say, "I noticed that you sometimes interrupt people when they're talking."
Instead of saying, "Your presentation was boring," say, "I think your presentation would be more engaging if you used visuals and storytelling."
Instead of saying, "You're not working hard enough," say, "I'm concerned about your missed deadlines. Can we schedule a weekly check-in to ensure you're on track?"
So, dear reader, think of the raw onion the next time you’re poised to give feedback. Your words can create a memorable dish or leave a bitter taste. Choose wisely. There are many feedback models , but Experiment with my F.E.E.D.B.A.C.K. Method.
Call to Action: Starting today, take a moment before giving feedback. Reflect, empathize, and guide. And the next time you’re on the receiving end, remember – every piece of feedback is an ingredient. It’s up to you to decide the dish you’ll create. Share your feedback stories and techniques in the comments below! Let’s embark on this journey of growth together.
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